Archive for June, 2010
Why Not Me Wednesday: Citibank
Jun 10th
Hey Team,
Ever think to yourself, “Wow, that banker is SUPER attractive. Man, oh man does she look good in that pencil skirt. What I wouldn’t give to see her…fired!”
Yeah, me neither. But I guess that’s not really the point.
“What IS the point?” you ask. Well, first of all, let me just thank you for asking such a great, segue-aiding question. The point, my second person narrative friend, is that now there is presumably an open position for a Bank Officer in New York and I’m thinking…why not me?
Maybe I should back up a bit.
It seems 33 year old, single mom, Debrahlee Lorenzana has been deemed “Too Hot” to work as a Business Bank Officer for Citibank in New York.
Long story short, she has filed a suit claiming that Citibank has fired her for being too attractive and a distraction to male coworkers thanks to her penchant to parade around in…the same clothing her co-workers did. According to her, female coworkers “were able to wear such clothing because they were short, overweight, and they didn’t draw much attention.”
Here’s what I’m thinking. Although I’m neither short nor overweight and I do occasionally have the tendency to draw attention, I can nonetheless, categorically guarantee that I look hideous in a dress. Add to that the fact that I can count to nearly 4,657,872 without using my fingers and have more customer service skills than a Zappos call center employee on Zoloft and I figure I’m kind of a shoe in for this position.
So, without further ado, here’s my open cover letter to Citibank:
To Whom It May Concern:
I’m writing in regards to the newly vacated Business Bank Officer position in your Rockefeller Center branch. I have a lot to bring to the table and, without being too presumptuous, I just may be a perfect fit in your company culture.
I would like to point out that I am a man and as such rarely wear anything approaching a pencil skirt or dress. (I would love to say never but, in the interest of complete honesty, there was that time during that lip sync competition in high school. We won.) Also, it’s worth noting that although I do display copious amounts of boyish charm, I eschew any designations of rugged and/or rakish good looks.
Furthermore, far from being a distraction and thanks largely to a proclivity to over-eagerly prattle on about technology, I’m significantly more likely to bore coworkers to the point at which it is in their own self-interest to return to their duties thus AIDING in productivity.
I believe my résumé sufficiently outlines a sparkling academic and professional record (free of clothing related firing and lawsuits) and would more than welcome the opportunity to further discuss this position and how my average looks could be of use to Citibank. I can be reached by email at brett@GEitW.com or via phone at (559) 492-7388 to schedule an appointment. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Brett Rounsaville
I’m done.
Brett.
What do you think? Do I have a shot? Do you think Debrahlee has a case?
Less Talk, More Action
Jun 8th
Hey Team,
I was looking for an article that ran strongly counter to my thoughts on job hunting, so I could get more than one viewpoint up on the site, when I thought I found the perfect candidate, titled: Stop Being Creative in Your Job Search.
Sadly, I was completely disappointed before I even finished reading the first line. (At least as far as quickly finding a counterpoint goes.) Instead, what I got was a couple of really good points with which I completely agree.
One of the lines you’ve heard me say over and over (…and over) again, thanks to Amtrekker (it also happens to be my favorite line to shout when I get bored and/or frustrated) is, “Less talk, more action!” In fact, the entire premise of Amtrekker was predicated on this one line.
So, naturally, I was drawn to the opening of this article.
“Creativity is thinking up new things. Innovation is doing new things.”
That’s according to economist and Harvard professor, Theodore Levitt.
And that’s absolutely correct.
Especially in job hunting, where too many people think too much and do too little.
Granted, I don’t spend much time sitting around watching TV but I’ve clearly taken things much farther in the other direction than I would recommend to most folks. 
I categorically guarantee that it is much less work to follow some of the sound advice presented in this article than to build a website, worldwide contest and video series around your inability to find a paycheck. Granted, I’ve always kind of been that guy that never stops looking for “the top”…just so I can go over it.
I’m done.
Brett.
Need A Job? No? Good. Here’s Another.
Jun 5th
Hey Team,
This is just way too crazy of an article and entirely too fitting of this site not to repost here. I was blow away by the tweet I saw pointing out this story and it just went downhill from there.
Apparently it’s becoming increasingly more common to see job postings that specifically state “Client will not consider/review anyone NOT currently employed regardless of the reason.”
Ads asking the unemployed not to apply are easy to find. A Craigslist ad for assistant restaurant managers in Edgewater, N.J. specifies, “Must be currently employed.” Another job posting for a tax manager at an unnamed “top 25 CPA firm” in New York City contains the same line in all caps.
A company’s choice to ignore unemployed applicants and recycle the current workforce ignores the effect of the recession on millions of highly-qualified workers and could prolong the unemployment crisis, said Judy Conti, federal advocacy coordinator for the National Employment Law Project.
“In the current economy, where millions of people have lost their jobs through absolutely no fault of their own, I find it beyond unconscionable that any employer would not consider unemployed workers for current job openings,” she said. “Not only are these employers short-sighted in their search for the best qualified workers, but they are clearly not good corporate citizens of the communities in which they work. Increasingly, politicians and policy makers are trying to blame the unemployed for their condition, and to see this shameful propaganda trickle down to hiring decisions is truly sad and despicable.”
You can find the article in its entirety here.
Horrible, ego-deflating and completely lacking any modicum of empathy.
I’m done.
Brett.
article found via @lons on twitter
